Why don't we break the cycle and choose a different path?
Part of it I believe is our lack of awareness. Some people have never gone to therapy and have never been asked these questions. They're not able to recognize what their roadblocks are and what their self talk is like. They are frustrated with how things are but they are blind to the cause of their frustration. Insightfulness and emotional intelligence is not something everybody is born with but rather it is something learned over time with experience and through the right teachers. And even with that it takes the right mindset to be willing to learn or being open to being taught. That was me when I was younger and pre-eating disorder. The life experiences I had gone through were the only things that I had known. Insightfulness and emotional intelligence wasn't taught in high school. Even if it was I don't think I would have had the willingness to learn it.
Fast forward to now. I have been to therapy and I have been asked those hard questions. I have been willing to learn and have started to become more insightful. I have had a multitude of life experiences. Funny though how all that is not enough. I still repeat cycles of roadblocks. Is there something I gain from not breaking them? My proposed answer to this question is two parts. The first is because it is hard. Harder than you would ever think. Second is because it is familiar. It is what I know. For the past 26 years of my life I have built my identity on what I have done until now. Even if I have built it on poor decisions that have come at a mental and emotional cost. All of a sudden I am known as a detail-oriented, organized, hard-working, reliable employee, friend, and partner. My identity wasn't built on being vulnerable, taking mental health days, flaking on friends, or having a messy dorm room. Rather it was built on always showing people what they wanted to see, having a "perfect" appearance, never taking a day off, going to all the social events, and having a color-coded closet. Breaking the cycle, in a sense, feels like breaking away from my identity. I don't know how to be the unreliable friend. I don't know how to be unorganized. I don't know how to be late to work. But does breaking the cycle necessarily mean that I can't keep the same identity? Is there a world where I can have both? Can I be a reliable friend but say no to social engagements? Can I be a supportive partner but be vulnerable? Can I be a hard-working employee but take days off? Yes, yes I can and I know that. But it is so hard to the point where I keep doing what I'm doing because change is uncomfortable and a lot of work. However, I'll end with this quote... "All growth happens at the end of your comfort zone." - Tony Robbins
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HEY IT'S ME TARA!Thanks so much for coming to check my blog out. I am a recent college graduate who is taking a crack at this blogging thing for the first time. I hope to inspire you to live a more connected and peaceful life with my own experiences. Recent Posts
February 2021
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